In my last blog post I vowed that i would never run again. I had hung my running shoes up, along with Roland, and I would not be running any more. My mood was low. I had vowed that I would try my best to attend Zumba. It is something I have loved since I first walked into the room.
Yet here I am, two days later with not only zumba under my belt, but also running. I managed to run (drum roll please) 5.25km. I could have gone on further, possibly to the 6km/ 7km mark, but I didn’t want to over do it. Lets face it, that was the problem last week. That I had tried to do too much.
After Zumba, although I felt exhausted, I felt energised. That’s a contradiction in terms really. But although my body wanted to rest, it was purposeful rest. It was because I had actually done something. I had stopped wallowing and got out. I had spoken to people. Escaped from the cave that I had built around myself.
Roland, as you know, is no longer running. But he is still enjoying regular daily walks. This means that my step count is also going up. I do not want him to put on weight again. It wouldn’t be good for either of us. When I look at Roland I realise how far he has come, and that is why I can’t give up.
As a bit of background I have never had a particularly healthy relationship with sport. As a teenager I cycled a lot. I was ok at cycling and swimming. I also did trampolining. However, as a teenager, I attended a school that had a rather dim view on people that were not very good at track events, such as running. Many of my P.E teachers knocked my confidence and made me doubt any ability I had. Subsequently, the inevitable happened and I became fat. It was not until I had my little boy that I had ever decided to take exercising seriously. That was just over 5 years ago.
I like to think that this is why, running in particular, never really does come easy for me. Until recently, I have been concerned about making a fool out of myself. I know, compared to others, that I am slow. But until recently, I didn’t want others to see how slow. Yet now, and perhaps because I am slowly coming out of the fog, that I realise how unimportant all of that is. It is the PE teachers talking and not my ethos.
My ethos is about encouraging each other. Being the best you can be. Working at your own pace. I saw a quote, it popped up in my facebook timeline. But it details my ethos on exercise. “When you admire something about another woman, tell her. Get into the habit of lifting each other up.” This quote is from an unknown person, but it essentially tells me everything I need to know. So that is where I am and what I am going to do. Going forward, I am only in a race with myself. I am doing this for me, and if I can encourage someone to come with me for the journey, then that is exactly what I will do.
My run today, despite it not being as long as I may have wanted, felt easy. I upped my Jeffing to 5:30 with 30 minute walk and successfully did it. But it wasn’t just about the run. It was about what it meant to me. To my journey. This run was like the first time I went out and did C25km. It symbolised not giving up. Keep going and eventually you will get to where you want to be. I am not that 15 year old in a PE lesson any more. I am me. I am good enough. I will keep going.