This week has been an odd week for me. Highs and Lows. After my last blog post, I really was ready to give up the gauntlet. I had persuaded myself that I wasn’t a runner. I couldn’t do it, so why bother. That was on Wednesday.
I have an odd outlook on life. When anyone (including myself) tells me I cannot do something, I will do it. I will focus on the one thing I cannot do, and do my best. I have never been the top of the class. Never been the fastest, but at the moment I find myself telling me I can’t, I find strength and it spurs me on to complete the very thing I want to avoid. It is why I completed a BA, and then went on to do an MA. I still do not feel as though I am good enough for it, but I did it.
After Wednesdays run, I honestly felt like a fraud. Coupled with one of my worse times at the Great Run Local event on the Sunday, I just wanted to stop. But, I didn’t, I went for a run on Friday. I went Jeffing. Let’s face it Effing and Jeffing is a huge part of my run style, so jeffing all the way I went. I ran for 5 minutes, walked for 30 seconds, repeat. Fitbit tells me I did this for 3.16 miles (over 5km) and that I ran 5 miles per hour. Whoop. That would be a personal best, but obviously it is not recorded.
On Sunday, I went to Great Run Local without Roland. I was hesitant again. Both me and my friends wanted to beat our personal best. Despite my run on Friday, I was not convinced that I would. It was still at the back of my mind that my fitbit may have been wrong, that I may not be able to do it….
The weather was wet. Not as wet as it had been on Friday, but that meant I still had a crack of the whip to do the 5km. I knew from the start that I would be jeffing around the run again. People overtook me. Many people, but this time it didn’t worry me. I had a plan and I was going to stick to it.
I jeffed around, again 5 minutes run, 30 seconds of walking. I found it easier. The route you take is two long laps of the lake, and then two smaller laps. It is normally by the two smaller, if not before, that I want to cry. I know that my running isn’t great and I just want to stop. At the same time, I don’t want to let anyone down. At that point I feel as though I am on my 21st mile of a marathon.
This time, I almost went round again. It wasn’t until a nice lady, who seemed to be jeffing too, started towards the finish line that I realised I was nearing the end. If I feel like this next time, then I know I can complete the 10km in June. My fitbit vibrated for me to walk, but I kept running. For the first time ever, I did not feel like I had used all the fuel and I was running on empty. I was excited to find out the time. I did think I may be a little over 38:58, but wasn’t worried. This was the best way to do it.
As I came over the finish line the lady scanned me in. “38:13” she said. Me? I begin to cry. I cried! I was ecstatic that I had not only done better than my personal best, but that I shaved 45 seconds off and I felt as though I could keep going. Amazing progress! It was at that point that the lady said she was “so please for me” and that “I was the second person with a pb today.” Amazing I thought.
I then realised that I had to find my friends. On my way round I knew one had gone to the loo and the other had to retrieve her daughter from grandparents. The one I had driven to the venue walked back from the loo. “How did you do?” She asked. She knew how badly I wanted to beat my personal best. “I did it” I said.
The finish line lady then piped up. “Did you two come together?” she says beaming. We nodded. “You were the two with the personal best. Well done!.” The amount of europhia we both felt was amazing. My friend has managed to get her sub 30.
We both did well. My aim over the next few weeks is to get some longer weekly runs in. I just want to see how I do. My stats from fitbit from Sundays run are that I actually ran 3.43 miles (5.5km) at 5.4 miles per hour. Perfect.