As I write this, Roland is sat by our door, sunning himself. This seems to be a habit that all Pugs adore. The first bit of sun and they are there, sat in the light, taking on all the rays it can throw at them. Who would blame them?
The past week has been long, exhausting even. I have had highs and lows. I found out that I have passed my MA in English. Whoop. I started studying for that in 2015. It has been a hard slog. But one thing, and I mean this from the bottom of my heart, that has kept me focused, has answered far more questions for my essays, has guided me into the path I chose, was my running and exercise classes.
On the back of the excitement of my passing my MA, is the sadness and the void it now creates. I have the qualification. I no longer need to use running as an escape from my studies, or as a way to think. I no longer need running in my life. But I desperately want to go back to running. To regain my ability to think. To have that moment that enables me to back away from social media, or from the every day moment of running a household and really focus on what my body can do.
I can find a thousand excuses not to go. It’s too muddy, I have new trail running shoes that may not be comfy, I have already walked Roland. But it comes down to one thing; right now, at this very moment in time, I simply can’t be bothered. That fact saddens me. But I know that we all have moments where we feel like that. To run is to be bothered to go out for a run.
Now I am faced with the reality that I need to run. I must run. Yet I can assure you, that anything less than a miracle will entice me to go out and actually run.
So here I am, no motivation, no goals to work towards. Alone (except for my trusty sidekick Roland.) I am not going anywhere fast. It is a lonely journey and one where I contemplate if it will be anything other than lonely for me.